AM BACK with lots of thoughts in my mind

AM BACK! AM BACK! AM BACK FINALLY!
I never realized that my last post was 3months ago. Anyway, now I'm back. Erm, maybe a little new me. Not to say new, is just that I have many thoughts in my mind now that made me feel that I have changed, changed to be better. Still improving though.....

Its nearly the mid of the new semester already. Haha, that's the starting only, why say so? For the past 2 weeks, gossips were around. What's that? Haha, its all about people, people and people. This not good, that one lazy, this one always don't bother, that one always don't do work.

That's pathetic in fact. You may treat them as funny where you get to see how people saying one's bad words behind another this semester, and it is seriously happening for the past 2 weeks.

FYI, I have 3 subjects with group assignment. SBM itself already killing me, I have 3 group assignment specifically for this subject only. Oh gosh....everyone knows I hate group assignment right!!! Luckily Corporate Law is an individual assignment. I always think that group assignment has its pros and cons.

Pros:
= Maybe you get to know what others know that you may not know. Erm, and I have no idea what's the next.

AND CONS:
= I really got to emphasis this! Because its group assignment, that's the good opportunity to know your friend very good, their personality maybe and their attitude towards their studies. Some people tend to simply do their part and send to their members, expecting the good students or so called ''veli geng punya orang'' to amend it and come up with a final copy.
= Some acting as a group leader, they are not in fact, and ordering others to complete the whole assignment, giving f*cking shit reason that they were super busy with their own stuffs. Hello, as though only you are very busy!!!! Damn right! OMG, excuse me as I get very pissed off to mention this matter. Cool ^^
= Is more time consuming to do group assignment (it may not be to others) For instance, 4 person from 4 different background, presenting the way they are used to, and when it comes to combining the whole piece of work, disaster may happen. So I rather do on my own. Hehe.....
= Besides, different people have different thoughts, how if one is not willing to tolerate others' idea? Quarrel next right? Or continue to pretend to be alright....
= Not every member is willing to cooperate and let out sometime to have discussions. All rely on messengers or facebook lol. Apa apa pun sms, messenger or even FACEBOOK!!! And then problems occur, because one may not interpret correctly what the sender intended to convey. Or maybe they don't get the tone. So you got to use those symbols more often to create a better understanding of your tone. Like :), LOLZ, ^^. Seriously I am not so into all these symbols, that's not so me la... However, I found that its a way to cool down yourself too when you wanna scold that person because neither party sees each other.

Well, you see, obviously individual assignment is better. I seriously thank myself for deciding to take up FIM in semester 2 which was a little faster from others (same batch). And I got to see things that may be really interesting when they were doing their FIM assignment last semester. I have been giving some opinion and helped them out, not expecting for any return by the way, saw many scene behind a group assignment. I experienced and learnt in fact, I get to see how these people pretending in front of another and back-stab one another next. Ya, that's reality but I don't hope to see that in my university life. Aren't U life interesting?

But but but, now I'm in a dilemma, I have the thought to not continue working with the same member in sbm now. Hopefully there is a way out for me...

Nights.. will continue once I have time

MY HEART IS CURSING

Smile more often

So that with your happy smile,

I can calm my heart from constantly looking for you

Smile more often

So that the world will be jealous of you

Then my heart, which is constantly calling for you

Wouldn’t turn greedy anymore

Chorus

My heart is cursing because it cant say “I love you”

Tears burst and my yearning is flowing and flowing

The sad words that are stuck in my throat like a torn

Is roaming around my ear all day

Why does it have to be you?

Why did I end up loving you?

Even if I am shaking my head

Even if I try to deny it

Now I cant let go of you

I love you forever even you are not looking at me

You wouldn’t know even when I call your names thousand of times

You wouldn’t know even if I wait at that same place

Like a fool I just look at you, this foolish love

You don’t know no matter how much I call you

totally lost

Ya! Am totally lost. I swear I thought I get over it already when I really chat with you. I really thought like that. That's real. Really really really............Don't know why that I when I was in Penang yesterday night, suddenly I have the strong feeling to see him, to talk to him. The feeling was so so so so so strong. And I got so moody for the whole day till I'm back today. I just feel uneasy. Don't feel like talking. Don't feel like eating. Anything anything. Till I online and he said that he will be getting married. What a thunder like news to me. Wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At that time, I was totally stunned and blank out. I didn't know what to do and still, HC continue to pretend again. Hate myself very much to pretend which eventually hurting myself. If, if if, at that time, I would have said YES, will the outcome be different? I wonder...

Why.... Argh..... damn shit! I am totally lost right now. Have been keep on repeating the song dear charl recommend me - 戴佩妮 - 街角的祝福!..

Why why why................ Why me why me why me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Penang trip was so so only because of my bloody bad mood. I don;'t know why I got so moody. Was it signalling that something bad will be happening soon. Ya, the bad news I got just now - HE is getting married!!!!

By the way. I am in love with penang and was eyeing on the residences there already.

Penang :(

Why this face? :( Because I'm still sick. However, I'm feeling very much better compare to yesterday. Please please please, I wanna recover before I go penang. Please God.

Am gonna be very busy tomorrow.

1: Got to wake up early morning and sent the car to Bukit Beruntung workshop for service.
2: Till I reach home will be around evening.
3: By the way, go Temple for praying as promised!
4: Catch Little Nyonya drama, hehe. It was my 3rd time watching it.
5: Catch Justice Pao. nice drama!
6: Fetch cousin. She will be staying overnight here.
7: Pack my clothes.
8: Cousins and I planned to get some info first for our penang trip.
9: ......................................... will see how it goes.

Feeling sick

Sneezing, shivering... Am feeling sick. Arghhh...please recover soon because I'm hitting the Penang Island and I'm gonna to eat till the max and enjoy the life at the island there. Yes, HC love Penang gao gao. She even hoped that she can own a piece of land near the beach. But, I knew that there were too many new high rise building around the island, that's quite disappointing to me. No offence. Why its disappointing to me, simply because I just love the quiet-island-but-like-a-city. Recently, with the development there, too many high rise building like the condos were built and it destroyed the nature of the island. Somehow, I still loved Penang very very much. Hahaha....

Cousins and I have been browsing thru the websites to get some ideas where to visit. And of course not to forget, the most waited one, the Peranankan mansion heritage!!! Yayaya, after visiting the one in Melaka, I personally fell in love with the Baba and Nyonya culture very much, hence, the Peranakan mansion musuem is a must visit for me. And also not to forget the much waited new Guan Yin statue at Kek Lok Si Temple. I remember when I visited Penang when I was Form 3, they were just in the process to build that statue and finally, this year, it is ready. Mummy, sister, cousins also raised their hands to say that ''MUST GO''!!. Many more places to go and I would definitely enjoy the days there till maximum. Hehehe....

By the way, God bless me to recover soon please, before I go Penang. I want to eat Rojak, apam balik, char keuy teow, End Of the World Seafood Village, sing k there, shopping and many many many more activities.

Results Released!

Results released!
All 4 subjects released!
The 2 that remained RO yesterday night finally appeared on our results statement.
Frankly, it was kinda disappointed. I expect something better than that, yet, the marks were just a little away from my expectation. Have been thinking for the whole day what/where has gone wrong? Did I put enough effort? Should I retake? Previously I did have the thought to retake if I really get something which is lower than Distinction and now I really got to decide.

I got Credit for both Corporate Finance and Taxation Law paper. I just need another 2 marks for me to reach Distinction for Corporate Finance paper. Arrww.... 2 marks away only. How if I've done the question (I didn't complete one question)? Perhaps I will get it. Haiz... Is always if if if and if..... Sien.....

While for the taxation law paper, I should say that, well, I shouldn't expect so much really as I don't really have confidence on it after completing the paper. I got only 63. Its my attitude that made me feel guilty now. My last minute attitude doing the tax law assignment. For the first time, I did very last minute work and I got only 23/30. Its kinda low to me. Should I retake then?

I'm feeling lost right now. Have no courage to tell daddy and mummy my results that sucks. Have no idea at all what can I do during the coming semester. But, one thing for sure, that's a good lesson for me where I must not lag and gotto work hard CONSISTENTLY like how I did in the previous semester. I got to admit that during this semester I was a bit lost and suddenly don't find my way at all.

Where is the motivated LHC? Where is the hardworking LHC?
Anyway, the 3 months break will be sufficient for me to find my way, my dream, and everything that belong to me. Its time to refresh what I have done for the past 11 months.

:(

Two more RO

Results released.... OMG! I've been trying to control myself not to be so nervous yet, my heart is pumping non-stop since this morning. It stopped a while then when I think of it again, it started pumping again, bee-bop-bee-bop....

Around 9.30pm I did receive call from some saying that only 1 results were released and other remained outstanding. Sigh, this make me even worry. Don't really get to feel the full excitement again. I got 2 papers results, one is for Accounting Information System (the one I've been putting very very much effort on it as I've no accounting background) and Risk Management Models. Both I got High Distinction. Whee..whee....The other 2 that remained outstanding made me feel so miserable. Wondering what is my results. It made me even worry more. Though I was excited when I saw the two results, but I just can't fully enjoy the excitement since the other two results were left unknown. Hopefully, it won't take too long to let them post the results up. Again, hopefully it will be alright as I've been worrying these two papers very much ever since after the exam. Hopefully, everything will be fine real soon. :)

worrying

Its exactly 1 week after my last paper. 3 more days to go then the results will be released. Worry worry worry... Gosh.. These days I'm trying very hard not to think about it but the scene of viewing the results keep on flash through. Gosssssshhhhhhhhhh.................... Praying hard~~~

I just had my brunch - one packet of korean mee. But I just realised that the packet of mee is expired. OMG!!!!

Will be going to the Zara warehouse sales later. Hopefully it won't disappoint me this time. :)

DONE and Outings On

Finally, am done with my finals. It was a bad day to me today. I only realised that I forgot to bring my file along me when I reach college. Luckily sister was at home and speed to college and pass me the file. Though I entered 10 minutes later. Its still bad because I got so nervous and couldn't catch a breathe when I sat down. And I only realized that I calculated the wrong standard deviation in the exam but I only managed to amend some part of it. Hopefully, it will be alright.
Headed to Damansara palace for dim sum after exam with py and may and off to e@Curve, Ikano and Ikea to wander around. And I had lecka-lecka today. :D When I reached home, its already 7pm+. Finally I have time for you--my lappie...

Exam off....worrying the results already. Sigh sigh sigh....

Melacca trip on tomorrow. Again, some people ffk. Hate people last minute pull out without giving further notice at all.. Sigh.. Forget about it.
I am hoping that tomorrow comes faster.

Time to bed. Ciaoz.

Emo

Yes. Am being little emo nowadays.
Again, I have no reason or even an answer for myself. The weather nowadays is cold and nice enough to let me think of you again.
Ya, its you again. Am I missing you? I let you go once and I thought I will never miss you anymore. But, the weather, again, its cold and it remind me of you for many many times. How I wish you would carry an umbrella for me. How I wish we could share that umbrella though its just a small one. But, what makes us distant? Is it me or you? Or it is the distance between us? Simply because we stay far apart?
Shit!!!!! I shouldn't even miss you.........

What to say

Don't know what to say..

Its the 3rd paper today, hence 3 down, 1 on...

And, I think today's paper should be alright. AIS, I loved you soo soo much... So do love me too... Hahaha..

Next paper will me risk management models. I always take this paper seriously, in fact all seriously though, because its about financial risk management after all. The only reason I enter VU - Financial Risk Management & Banking and Finance.

Anyway, not going to talk much now.

Am really tired. Wanted to sneak out but I can't. Wanted to have a long rest like maybe 2 days or maybe even little for 1 day? No, no nope. HC won't do that.
National Library, here I am again and hopefully tomorrow the shooting won't be there anymore as I can't even concentrate on my book but rather looking at the camera and actress. ''Roll camera.... come on everyone.... Action... Cut Cut Cut.. Aiyo.. Again again again... Action'' Wth!

Library is not a place for you to do the shooting okay. Go go go away, come another day, Monday preferably since the library is closed on Monday. :)

Had nightnares before my finals and day before yesterday. It was a nighmare, real nightmare that I'm praying hard that it will definitely not be true in reality. Must not!!! Arrrmmmmhhhh....

Wonder what I have been doing for the past one year. Soon, 2 semesters end and I'll be officially going into the 2nd semester of Year 2 and soon I'll be entering Year 3 and sooonnnn....Err....Don't think too much.....

Still, I don't dive up, I am working towards my dream.

Subjects coming up after this will be even tougher, hence it is not a time to lag anyhow. I'm not going to break any record again when classes are on or when I'm in the semester and will play gao gao went I'm ''out-of-the-semester'' / ''on-holiday''. Sigh... Just don't know what to say at this time.

Kinda pointless.. Worrying my results..... What to do.. What can I say.... :(

Depressed!

Feels depressed! Feels so so bad! Feel like crying!
The feelings of after finishing the FIM exam is back. It happened again after finishing my Corporate Finance paper. I just don't know why. I have confidence before entering the hall, but it turned out another way after the exam. What the!!!!! I came home after lunch with daddy and thought of taking a short nap, but I can't even sleep. I've been thinking of the paper, the figures, the formulae.... Argh.............

I hate these feelings!!!! What has been going wrong. LHC, what happen to you.
Oh no no.....you got to leave that behind now as you have 3 more tough papers to go. You chose to do double major, so be it, work for it!!! Die die also must do it.

GOOOOO GOOOO GOOOO...................
NEVER GIVE UP!

Finals!!!

Ya, its the end of the semester 3 of my degree program.

Currently busying, very busy preparing my 40 pages taxation law & practice notes to be brought into the exam hall.....Its a lot. Somehow, its not the time to take any short cut or say give up because that's ain't me. To me, nothing is impossible. I'll make it.

Have been quite busy with my friend's assignment for the last week too. As though I'm doing their assignment. Aiz... For this, I'll keep it for the update after my finals because I've a lot to say, from my mind. I really see many things that make me become even more cautious. What's that?? Not going to mention anything here as it will definitely affect my mood now. Shoo shoo...

Its not the time to say goodbye but again, hello, LHC is still on her way to achieve her dreams, she will be fighting till the end. She will never give up. She will make it up to herself. She will make her parent be proud of her. She can do it. Pray for me!!!! HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Terrible

I would say this semester I did terribly though I have not sat for the final papers. I said so because I failed to manage my time better and in the end the assignments pilled up and I got to stayed up till the next day morning to complete the work and of course the work wasn't a good piece one from me, definitely!!

For this semester, I break my record.
1.
For the first time I did not sleep for two days and only managed to get a short nap for about 45 minutes only. I have not really read through my assignments N times before I handed in the final copy which I used to do previously.

2.
I went out before the test which is my damn first time doing so. In fact, I never step out the house door where there is a test going on the next day.

3.
I went Sg Lembing. Its okay at first but it crashed with my test shedule. And I didn't really do well in it. I got 15/20 which was quite disappointing.

4.
I did last minute work for myy taxation law assignment which was very NOT MY STYLE!!!! Gosh!!!!

5.
For the first time I am visiting the lecturer and tutor so often for my accounting subject. I can only rely on her indeed because, again, I have no accounting background. I know nothing.

6.
For the first semester that I seldom finish my tutorial works for CF. Others so far okay. Sweat~~~ Never do this, as this will only burden you when you do revision!!! Remember that LHC!!!

7.
My schedule was quite a mess after the Hari Raya break. What's going on LHC!!! wtf!!! THAT'S NOT YOU!!!

I have 2 more weeks to go before finals and got to start to prepare my taxation law notes. Buck up my AIS, CF and RMM.
I'll never give up and will stay till the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Mooncake Festival 2009

To Ah Ma and Ah Gong, may your enjoy a wonderful festival, where ever you are. I miss your seriously.

It is Friday. No class today hence I planned to finish up my Accounting practice set assignment and the essay as well. But, I've spent my sweet time to chat with daddy and brother. I was wondering when was the last time we sat back together and chat so long. Brother and Mummy attended the neighbour's dinner while Daddy and I didn't attach along. We went out for dinner and reached home around 10pm and brother and mother also reach home not long after that. Then brother started to talk about the neighbour's thingy. I add on, followed by daddy, then brother again, non-stop till just now. We had 2 hours conversation, gossiping and talking about the old days about our uncles. Of course, we mentioned about my dearest granny and grandpa. Its the Mooncake festival tomorrow, I wonder where are there? I wonder whether they have had any mooncake? I really miss them a lot. We mentioned what grandpa dreamt of granny not long after granny passed away.. And many many more.... It always remind me of them whenever we celebrate any festival. It reminds me to appreciate what I'm having now. But sometimes we tend to forget this or even neglected the importance of appreciation in our life. No one will blame you for forgetting that, but somehow in future days, ourselves will remind us about that and soon we started to blame ourselves for not doing this or that at that very moment. Like what people always say, ''IF I WOULD HAVE KNEW THAT...'' IF I KNOW...'' Ya...its always IF IF IF and IF...think once, how if you are not given the chance to apologise or even say sorry again one day!!! Therefore, do what you think is right, but THINK TWICE or even TRIPLE!!! Live life with no regrets!!! I knew that it sounds easy to say them out but it takes a real hard way to practice them in life.

Well...should end here. HC's theory time should end here because she has 4 more assignments to go and 3 due next week!!! Gosh... And I realised that my tears are.................................................. Shhh.....how I wish ah ma and ah gong are here with me.....Seriously!!!! But sadly I can't even apologise and even say sorry to them at all, apologise for not being a filial granddaughter!!! I LOVE YOUR!!! ♥♥

WHERE ARE YOU?

I lost my lovely metal ruler.. Arghh....

I've been using that ruler since I was in Standard 3.

Imagine how long this metal ruler has been with me, through the ups and downs, through all the tests and examinations, its always with me when I am doing my home works.

I pathetically need my lovely metal ruler back.

Though I have another one with me and it was somehow younger than the one I lose, but the lovely ruler was the one who always accompanied me.

I don't want a new one!!!

I just want my metal ruler back now!!!

One test and the finals are coming, how can I leave without it!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not me!!!

I have a long break and of course its a good time for me to do my assignments. Somehow, I lagged and took my sweet time and rested & slept for almost 2 days continuously. Being not productivity for two days, without the concern that the assignments and tests are due very soon. Gosh..... I think it was mainly due to the accident I met which gave me a lot of problem to settle this and that, moreover auntie passed away last weekend!

Last Saturday, I spent my whole day in and out, went to temple to bai bai, went lunch with daddy and brothers, went shopping after lunch, sent my car to the workshop.

Sunday: Woke up very late as I didn't have good rest since Friday night. Went dinner with uncle with his new 4 wheel car!!! Reached home at 10pm.

Monday: Slept till 4pm and enjoyed the Nyonya cuisine as dinner with family members at SS2. Finally, I tried that!!! And I'll definitely visit the restaurant again. Rushed back home and went and fetched two cousins, off we went to attend Auntie's praying ceremony. Sob~~~Sob~~~

Tuesday: Finally started with my assignment. Suddenly have no idea what I've done yesterday. OMG!!!

Wednesday (Today): Went to Uni and did the assignment things again with friends. Reached home at 8pm and am still now with my lappie with the assignment files on........

GOT TO BUCK UP!!! Tonnes of assignments are piling up!!!

Exhausted!!!

UPDATED!

Block teaching held on Saturday finished at 3.30pm. I stayed back to wait for Elaine till her class finished at 4.30pm, off we went to 7-11 and had cup mee as our meal. Poor us, we have money to go concert but not for a brunch?! Haha...

Attended the T music festival concert I having been waiting for...All because you're there, that's why I'll be there. :P David Tao, your live is still the same-superb!!! The concert was a blast, it started sharp at 7pm and continued non-stop till 1.50am. Its my first time attending a concert till so late and the singers and audiences were still very ''on'' that night/morning.

Reached home at 2.05am and bathed, wandering around at the living room and read the newspaper. Till I'm done, and when my hair is dried its almost 3a.m. Woo, I felt asleep the moment I lyed on the bed. Woke up at 8.00am this morning to attend the block teaching again. Go0sh, for the first time I fall asleep in the lecture hall man. Its disappointing!!!! The moment I reached home this evening was to sleep!!! I'm really exhausted now. Yawn....its time to bed~~~~~

Luckily + Go ahead

Met my lecturer this morning (purposely wake up early today to go college and see her, am on semester break now ) and get my doubts cleared and eventually, I asked her about the DR and DT thing which I was wondering whether I should ask or not, worrying that she will take note on my paper. Anyhow, I asked and get the answer. She said she is not that particular and will no penalize me, perhaps she understand my situation where I've no accounting background at all and I'm starting from ZERO!!!

I reminded myself many times and from now on practice to write DR instead of DT.

Previously, to be frank I've the sudden thought of giving up the subject or to drop it. I want to emphasis that even FIM which is damn tough to everyone, I took the subject and did not think of surrender at all but how come I have that bad thought of giving up. But, few days later, I decided that, I chose my path - to major in Financial risk management and banking and finance. Hence, I should never ever have the thought of giving up. The accounting subject comes in the double major package, I have no choice in short. I got to take it. And now, I'm telling myself that NEVER GIVE UP!!!

I always remind myself about the doomsday's I had when I was taking the FIM subject, the assignment itself was enough to kill you, mentally or maybe physically. Since I did well in FIM, why not in AIS. Since I have no accounting background, why I scored Distinction for last semester's Accounting for Decision Making. So, I have no reason to give up this time. And, I strongly believed that, nothing can stop you to go further, if you insist to do it, if you really wanted to, and if you believe that nothing is impossible (even the Frenchman climbed KLCC successfully).

Go ahead, there is nothing to be fear of anymore. VLHC can do it!!!

Its too LATE

Its too late.

I just came to know that Daddy knows accounting. I was on my study table doing the accounting exercises and he came up and pass me the strawberry (he used to send us fruits after every dinner). I was concentrating on the calculation and I noticed that he was standing behind me for quite some time. At first, I did not bother and till I calculated the figures, I turned and looked at him. He said: debit credit. What is that ''DT''. And I replied: ''DT'' is debit lo...because I've no accounting background at all that why I used Dt as a short form of Debit. He then continued and said that; Ching, you must change la, there is no such thing called Dt in accounting only ''DR'' that represents Debit. Then I told him I don't know accounting at all so to make my life easier I used ''DT''. And, he warned me again that I shouldn't used ''DT'' but should start practicing using Dr else marks might be deducted. And I was like, Wtf.... I just realised that, I used DT in the at risk test. But how come all the while no one tell me only can use Dr. Why whenever I'm showing my friends my work, they don't inform me or correct my mistake.

Why!!!! Why!!!! Its too late. I am super worried about the at risk test now and am thinking whether should I see the lecturer and tell her this and hopefully she could just close an eye. Really damn shit!!! Wtf!!!

By the way, I just knew that Daddy had little accounting background. He took the accounting course and draftsman course 30 years ago, but he got to stopped without graduating because he got to work. And he made me realised one thing that, I or we should thank our parent for being so kind to let us choose our course and university that we intend to go. They work so hard to pay for our fees and our pocket money of course. So as a student or a children to your parent, Study hard is the only way to reward your parent. They don't get anything from what you learnt, instead, they'll be proud of you if you have been doing good in your studies.

So, I got two lessons tonight:
1. Write DR instead of DT, luckily its not final (feel like crying already when I think of this, my 5marks gone!!!!!! I know 5 marks to some out there is like peanuts but to me even its o.5 marks, it is very important!!!)
2. Study hard, don't waste the hard-earned money of your parent, let them be proud of you